All of my life, in every season.

Worship is everything to me and I believe every experience I've ever had with worship was different. Long before I even knew there was such a thing, I first fell in love with music and singing. I wouldn't even be the person that I am today if my mom didn't push me to take piano lessons and eventually, voice lessons. 

I conquered my shyness and overcame many obstacles from then on. Then, there came the lowest point I've ever been in my life to the point where I started to doubt God's existence. I became lost and so confused with so many things at that time, my mom didn't know what to do. But, the only thing she did do was turn to God and surrendered her life to Christ... as well as mine. With that big leap of faith (and up until this day I cannot explain how it happened), the confusion, doubt, and the emotional stress was removed. My mind was renewed and the voice of God rang loud when I first experienced worship.

In the beginning, as I wasn't even saved yet, I loved the songs and just singing them. I joined the church choir and middle school choir not knowing what I was even doing. All I wanted to do was just sing. I wanted to be like the high school kids leading worship up on stage and that was what drew me in... I wanted to worship. I remember how my 7th grade self would feel insecure to even lift a hand up during weekly chapels. Looking back to before I accepted Christ as my Savior as well as the early years of my walk with God, it was just performance. I relied on my talent and my singing was for the sake of singing. 

Fast forward to the end of high school when I started to lead worship in a small church my family was in. Worship became a little more personal than it did before. And each of the worship experiences I had throughout my walk with God were different. There were times where I would find myself not in the right place with God when I worship. Sometimes, I would feel upset on a Sunday morning or I wouldn't even feel alive. How would I encourage the congregation to worship God if I'm in a spiritual drought? Heck, there were days when I would say, "I don't feel like leading worship. I'm tired." I've been there especially when I led every Sunday for such a time. 

Today, I still sing and volunteer to worship on Sundays at a church here in the Philippines. I praise God for the worship leaders who have shown me what worship really is. It was never just singing on Sundays. It was never just the talent or the qualification. It's about God. For the first time in a few years just recently, I led worship for our org's general assembly. Prior to that, I thought to myself, "I want this worship experience to be new and to be all for the glory of God." I wanted it to be sincere and joyful. There were even little voices in my head saying I wasn't qualified or I wasn't fit to lead people to worship. However, I was called.

I was not called for my qualifications. 
I was qualified because I was called.

On July 12, 2014, God did an amazing thing that day. God knew that I wasn't capable to lead a group of people into worship... especially when I don't surrender everything to Him.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

By the amazing grace of God, I had this overwhelming gladness in my heart that I could not contain. That was when I knew that I was no longer leading the worship. I felt so free! In those moments that I felt weak or inadequate, God just took over. I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses because I know that my God will lead me.

A declaration that I will make for my life: I can do anything through His strength for His power is made perfect in my weakness!

It was grace that brought me here and it is grace that will carry me on.

God Wants Your List

Do you remember the story about the man who was bitten by the dog? When he learned the dog had rabies, he began making a list. The doctor told him there was no need to make a will, that rabies could be cured. "Oh, I'm not making a will," he replied. "I'm making a list of all the people I want to bite."

Couldn't we all make such a list? You've already learned, haven't you, that friends aren't always friendly? Neighbors aren't always neighborly? Some workers never work, and some bosses are always bossy?

You've already learned, haven't you, that a promise made is not always a promise kept? Even though they said "yes" on the altar, they may say "no" in the marriage.

You've already learned, haven't you, that we tend to fight back? To keep lists and snarl lips and growl at people we don't like?

God wants your list. He wants you to leave the list at the cross.

Love does not keep a record of wrongs.

1 Corinthians 13:5 (TEV)

My Thoughts on Begin Again.

1. I vow to never ever give up on music or live with the regret that I didn't try.

2. All of it reminded me of him.

3. My heart never forgot no matter how many times I've suppressed the feeling.

4. Music, I am forever in love with you.

5. I have a dual headphone adapter so I can listen with both ears with my future significant other.

6. On one of our dates, we will walk around the streets of New York or maybe just LA listening to each other's playlists without saying a word... Just singing. and maybe some dancing.

7. Also, we must slow dance to the music we will be listening to with both our headphones

8. Future boyfriend/husband will show me the ways of songwriting.

9. I am now without a shadow of a doubt, convinced that most songs for the soul are organically written. All of the greatest songs in history started out with just a guitar or a piano.

10. I CRIED. And this usually happens because something just spoke to my soul and I really related to the movie somehow. When it's something I'm going through or have experienced, that's when I get emotional. Now I know why I didn't cry during Fault in Our Stars.

11. I want to listen to music with you and just talk about music to no end.

12. Do I ever even cross your mind at all? I can't help but wonder and maybe I'll never stop wondering.

13. Are any of your songs about me?? Or am I just going cray? And even if they are, I wouldn't believe it because who would write songs about me??

14. This is the 2nd time I cried for a movie that I watched by myself in a theater... Except now it's for a different reason and a different guy

15. Adam Levine was perfect and Lost Stars belongs in my playlist.

16. Keira Knightly was a beauty with such class. At first I was questioning whether she could sing or not but while watching the movie, I didn't even care because that wasn't the point of the story. Her voice was honest and her own. She fit so well with the whole story. And can we just take a moment to just admire her sense of fashion??

17. There were many take homes from this film that touched on what music is all about, the way a lady should dress and of course relationships.

18. However, one thing that I will not take home is the profanity.

19. Today, I was glad with how things turned out, otherwise I wouldn't have watched the movie.

20. I am looking forward to watching another movie starring Keira Knightly! LAGGIES.

--Edit--

21. Listening to the soundtrack makes me go through the movie in my head!

Let your life for Christ be more than just a status update.

My relationship with God should not be limited to posting a bible verse on twitter or facebook. I can do all those things to show how "Christian" I am but what about outside the social media?

I have so much quiet time but what am I doing with the majority of that free time? And when I do have my devotional with God, I get uplifted that I have to tweet about it. For once, I just want that time to be with just God and not with social media. Don't get me wrong, expressing your thoughts and opinions to the world is great if it's beneficial and positive. However, if the sharing is only on the internet and not even when you're around people, something isn't right. It is so easy to say whatever we want to say be it positive or negative because we are hiding behind a screen. It's liberating to get something that you've been keeping to yourself out there in the open and no one can see your face.

We like to bash on the haters for making the meanest, rudest comments to other people but look at the other side of the spectrum. Speaking a lot of good and inspiration to others... does it stop there? Posting uplifting quotes and bible verses doesn't make us any better than those who spread a lot of hate towards others.

I'm not saying all these things to condemn you but to really check yourself... ask yourself does your life reflect Jesus? Where is your heart? We can easily create an ideal image on the internet for everyone to see but sometimes, it isn't a reality. Sometimes it becomes a mask because what we post does not reveal who we really are. I believe, yes, there are rules as to what to post and what not to post (internet etiquette) but be true to yourself when you're around actual people. There is no need to share your entire life on the world wide web... that's why God has placed certain people in our lives. We can share our lives with those who are always there for you. Those who know who you really are.

I'm not in favor with posting my thoughts about God as much as possible because I want my life to actually reflect that. I don't want my twitter, instagram or facebook account to show that my life is for God. Even if it did, I would feel as if it's a lie. I'm still human and I fail like ten times a day and I'm not always jumping and praising God for His goodness and grace. I don't want to show off the works I am doing for my God. I can't project what my "ideal" life is like. I believe that's something we should do for ourselves. Every day we should read the bible and speak that to our lives instead of always sharing to everyone. Read the word, then actually live it out. Not tweeting about it. Not posting a new status about it. Because that isn't living it out at all. It's merely words without any action.

I don't know who even reads my blog (since I just made a new one) but I don't really share this blog on any other social network. This is for whoever comes across this post and would even care to read it.

This is more like a journal as of now although I haven't been very good at updating this as much as I should... oh well. It is what it is. I've been meaning to write this post on this specific topic for awhile for it has been on my heart.

Until next post!