Sunday, November 8, 2015

Arthur Abbott once said:

"...in the movies we have the leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."

To be completely honest, I have always perceived myself as a supporting role, never the leading lady (much less a "co-star"). My Father has removed the blindfold from my spiritual eyes in order to make me see my true self. In the past, I have been interested in how others, who more or less do not know the real me, see me. And I just based my identity off of that without even realizing it. I would adjust to their standards, or rather, try to please everyone as if I'm some sort of shape-shifter. I can be anything that you want me to. 

And that was it.
I had a hard time just being myself!

Call it what you will, we can come up with the names and labels all day long because at the end of the day, it never really mattered in the first place. I have been redeemed, I am setting myself in the image that Christ sees me as. His daughter, His beloved, His bride. With every flaw and mistake I have made, I am considered beautiful. For every wrong turn I have made, He made me in right standing. I am perfectly imperfect. I trip and sometimes almost fall to the ground or stub my toe hoping no one saw that. I can be lady-like because that was how I was raised. I can also run wild & free and still make-believe, dream big and take risks. I mean, isn't that what FAITH is all about? I never want to lose my inner-child as an adult. That sense of wonder that just makes me in awe of my Creator who has blessed me to even see the richness and goodness that's still left in this world. I believe with all my heart, mind and soul, with everything that I am, even as I run out of words because I know that sometimes words fail... I still hold fast to what I have decided when I was in the 3rd grade, when I was in the 7th & 8th grade, when I graduated high school most especially when I graduated college. 

Despite everything that is wrong in this world, I still BELIEVED. It's hard growing up in California or maybe any part of the world. But when I met with numerous, differently cultured people in the 24 years of my existence, there was so much individuality. There are people who chose to be different and liked being weird! I was never alone even when I felt like God was "far away". Isn't that amazing?? If you really think about it... even when you feel like God is absent, just look around or talk to someone! That person may be in the same boat as you! And that, my friend, is God reminding you that you are not on a no-man's land. 

I admired uniqueness which brings me to my own name.

My name wasn't different because there were so many Rachels. I thought it was too plain and common or not pretty enough to be honest. I remember as a kid, I liked the name Isabelle or Isabella because it was pretty. However, God purposely gave me the name Rachel... it's funny because I would say, "I need to find my Jacob!" and I grew to love my name because of the magnificent story in the bible. (Genesis 29) I take pride in this story but at the same time, I am humbled. (side note: I have a really good friend named Lea so we would always laugh and call ourselves Jacob's wives) So you see names have an impact on me. I think it's important to really remember names because imagine having your name forgotten. Things get personal when you address a person BY NAME. Think about it. 

GOD CALLS YOU BY NAME. He knows YOU. 

 I would get surprised when someone I may not know personally greets me with my name. I would think to myself, "Wow, this person knows my name!" I would be surprised that there are people who even consider me. Which would also reveal something else about me in connection to what I have said earlier: I felt more genuine, more ME when I felt like no one was watching or listening to me. Maybe it doesn't make sense but I like to think that no one could see me so I don't have to worry about how others perceive me.

I felt led to write here as God has been revealing to me so much... talking to God meant a lot of listening on my part. It also meant to keep silent when necessary. There is a time for everything, good and bad (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

This is me.
Rachel Jean 

Well, in blog form anyway.
until next post!

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Disconnect to Reconnect

As many voices rang loudly in my mind, there was only one that I know to be true.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. (John 10:27)

In the past, I would pray and pray for His voice to be known to me. I wanted to know which voice is of the Father and which are from the enemy who constantly tells me lies. My faith was put to the test recently which prompted me to disconnect from social media so that I may dig deeper in His word and to just commune with God. I contacted different people to stand by me in prayer to make sure that I am not alone in this and so that there will be witnesses to what I was testifying.

I was taught so much! God gave me revelation after revelation of the things that have happened to me. I spent time with family without having to look at my phone a lot of the time. It was nice to just talk and listen to people because the focus on myself was removed. Honestly, I have to keep reminding myself that the world does not revolve around me. I have to keep telling myself day in and day out that there is a supernatural God at work in my heart as well as in the heart of others. His Spirit is ever present in a world that can make you feel so alone sometimes. He gives me this unspeakable joy that I cannot explain. God has this sense of humor because indeed there are no accidents. I was so amazed by God and my life that He had me review and to just look back, reflect on what I missed when I was so focused on situations and problems I was facing. I lived in fear and would regret on things I should have done.

There needs to be more disconnection from the social media life in order to reconnect with God. It's necessary in order to demolish a mindset that I've put up for myself. I held on to my faith more tightly as I had to let go of how people saw me and comparing myself to others. God gave me assurance through His word that I am loved, I am valued and He has a home in my heart. His Spirit lives in me wherever I go.

He put it in my heart that I will be back in the Philippines one day and I'm not sure what for but I have to go back in faith. I didn't realize that there are many people back home that actually cared and see what I'm up to... God told me to "review your last 4 years and tell me that you won't be back." I made my own plans but His will shall prevail. I am no longer afraid because I stand in the conviction that is His word that is TRUE & ALIVE. This last week seemed like a dream to be real. But I thank the Lord for His faithfulness that was demonstrated through my families and through the people He put in my life. I'm thankful for His grace that soaks me and cleanses me each and every day leaving me refreshed and renewed. What a joy it is to be loved and to love others!

"All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:25-27 NIV)