The Last for 2015

What a year, what a last couple of months it has been and what a journey the Lord has taken me on. And the best part is the rest of my life story has yet to be written. There are uncharted waters and oceans, there are more paths to travel through that have been less traveled by, there is so much more to see. Let's not leave it to places but to people; as well as their hearts. I want to see the old familiar places with new eyes. I want to listen to old songs as if I'm hearing them for the first time. I want to move in ways my body has never known before and remember to dance so it will be forever in muscle memory. Nothing forced, it will come naturally then eventually into the supernatural.

For awhile in my house, I decided to do something I've never really done that was probably a little crazy, just outside my comfort zone involving my eyesight. Ever since elementary school, I've always worn glasses and was heavily dependent on them as I grew older because my eyesight got worse. I am reminded through His word in 2 Corinthians 5:7 that we live by faith, not by sight. So I dared myself to not wear my glasses or my contact lenses for several days whenever I'm in the house, still doing the normal things I would do on a daily basis. I know that to someone else who may be observing me, I was like a blind woman putting my face up close to objects I could not read from far away. It was like seeing all my photos in bokeh form: everything was a real big blur! However, my heart was willing to live out the faith that was put in me. I was determined to outsmart my eyes in the physical realm which led me to rely on my other senses. This simple act exercised my memory when I had to remember where I last left my keys; it strengthened my sense of hearing and touch in ways I never knew I could before. I was able to go around my house without my glasses or contact lenses, and in a way, I was denying myself. I operated less in the flesh and allowed the Holy Spirit to work in me when I walked by faith, not by sight. Imagine what it's like to be a person completely without sight! Imagine what it's like to not be able to use your legs. Imagine what it's like to have no arms. When you lack something in the physical, the way I see it when you have God, you rely on the things you already have and improve on them. You get stronger and become this SUPERHUMAN. You will never go wrong when God is the source of Your strength and willpower.

When I do use my contact lenses, I see normally.
However, I've been told that I have tunnel vision as if I was actually blind.

I just like to think that I choose what I want to see. When you really focus your attention on something, nothing else matters. You block out your peripherals, your ears pinpoint one particular sound ignoring all the other extra unnecessary noise. Sometimes I would say to myself that I have ADD/ADHD or something because I would get easily distracted. But I've firmly decided that that's not the case. It took a lot of growing pains to get to this point and now that I'm in the adult world figuring it all out (honestly, I think I will be figuring it out for the rest of my life because there is no adult that has it all figured out.), I have a better perspective, better outlook on life when I rely less on my own senses. I see things more clearly when I don't believe everything that I see. I have better hearing or rather a better understanding when I listen to more than one side of the story; there's more listening, less talk. I can touch, I can feel, I can move, I can sing. And I may look or sound like a crazy person but that's what happens when you love a supernatural God! There's this radical change if you even dare allow yourself to be used in that way!

It's scary. Yet that's what makes me so excited to step into this new year. Most definitely I will experience more pains in the world of being an adult. For sure I will experience an even greater joy as I learn more about myself and discover what I am capable of, keeping in mind that I am a daughter of the One true King. Most of all, the actions and steps that will come to life. I am claiming that even though I am human having my own limitations, doubts and paralyzing fears. It's high time to move past that. I can be afraid and say whatever I want but my words have no meaning if action is not present with my faith!

2015 was full of milestones and new seasons.
I am most certain that this new year is another level for me to step to. More achievements to unlock as well as the most daring adventures to embark on. I am declaring that this new year will be the year I will finally meet the man that God has been and still preparing for me. There. I said it. God revealed to me many weeks ago that it will be like I'm meeting him for the very first time when I've only really looked at him as if he was a brother to me.

I am ready for what 2016 has for me, good and bad. Even if my heart will break, I am ready. Even if I make a complete fool of myself, I am ready. Even if it means giving up some dreams, I am ready. Even if people will hate me for it, I am ready. I will continue to speak this over my life, no matter what I may feel or think.

As long as God is with me through and through, I am ready for 2016.

Arthur Abbott once said:

"...in the movies we have the leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."

To be completely honest, I have always perceived myself as a supporting role, never the leading lady (much less a "co-star"). My Father has removed the blindfold from my spiritual eyes in order to make me see my true self. In the past, I have been interested in how others, who more or less do not know the real me, see me. And I just based my identity off of that without even realizing it. I would adjust to their standards, or rather, try to please everyone as if I'm some sort of shape-shifter. I can be anything that you want me to. 

And that was it.

I had a hard time just being myself!

Call it what you will, we can come up with the names and labels all day long because at the end of the day, it never really mattered in the first place. I have been redeemed, I am setting myself in the image that Christ sees me as. His daughter, His beloved, His bride. With every flaw and mistake I have made, I am considered beautiful. For every wrong turn I have made, He made me in right standing. I am perfectly imperfect. I trip and sometimes almost fall to the ground or stub my toe hoping no one saw that. I can be lady-like because that was how I was raised. I can also run wild & free and still make-believe, dream big and take risks. I mean, isn't that what FAITH is all about? I never want to lose my inner-child as an adult. That sense of wonder that just makes me in awe of my Creator who has blessed me to even see the richness and goodness that's still left in this world. I believe with all my heart, mind and soul, with everything that I am, even as I run out of words because I know that sometimes words fail... I still hold fast to what I have decided when I was in the 3rd grade, when I was in the 7th & 8th grade, when I graduated high school most especially when I graduated college. 

Despite everything that is wrong in this world, I still BELIEVED. It's hard growing up in California or maybe any part of the world. But when I met with numerous, differently cultured people in the 24 years of my existence, there was so much individuality. There are people who chose to be different and liked being weird! I was never alone even when I felt like God was "far away". Isn't that amazing?? If you really think about it... even when you feel like God is absent, just look around or talk to someone! That person may be in the same boat as you! And that, my friend, is God reminding you that you are not on a no-man's land. 

I admired uniqueness which brings me to my own name.

My name wasn't different because there were so many Rachels. I thought it was too plain and common or not pretty enough to be honest. I remember as a kid, I liked the name Isabelle or Isabella because it was pretty. However, God purposely gave me the name Rachel... it's funny because I would say, "I need to find my Jacob!" and I grew to love my name because of the magnificent story in the bible. (Genesis 29) I take pride in this story but at the same time, I am humbled. (side note: I have a really good friend named Lea so we would always laugh and call ourselves Jacob's wives) So you see names have an impact on me. I think it's important to really remember names because imagine having your name forgotten. Things get personal when you address a person BY NAME. Think about it. 

GOD CALLS YOU BY NAME. He knows YOU. 

 I would get surprised when someone I may not know personally greets me with my name. I would think to myself, "Wow, this person knows my name!" I would be surprised that there are people who even consider me. Which would also reveal something else about me in connection to what I have said earlier: I felt more genuine, more ME when I felt like no one was watching or listening to me. Maybe it doesn't make sense but I like to think that no one could see me so I don't have to worry about how others perceive me.

I felt led to write here as God has been revealing to me so much... talking to God meant a lot of listening on my part. It also meant to keep silent when necessary. There is a time for everything, good and bad (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

This is me.

Rachel Jean 

Well, in blog form anyway.
until next post!

Disconnect to Reconnect

As many voices rang loudly in my mind, there was only one that I know to be true.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. (John 10:27)

In the past, I would pray and pray for His voice to be known to me. I wanted to know which voice is of the Father and which are from the enemy who constantly tells me lies. My faith was put to the test recently which prompted me to disconnect from social media so that I may dig deeper in His word and to just commune with God. I contacted different people to stand by me in prayer to make sure that I am not alone in this and so that there will be witnesses to what I was testifying.

I was taught so much! God gave me revelation after revelation of the things that have happened to me. I spent time with family without having to look at my phone a lot of the time. It was nice to just talk and listen to people because the focus on myself was removed. Honestly, I have to keep reminding myself that the world does not revolve around me. I have to keep telling myself day in and day out that there is a supernatural God at work in my heart as well as in the heart of others. His Spirit is ever present in a world that can make you feel so alone sometimes. He gives me this unspeakable joy that I cannot explain. God has this sense of humor because indeed there are no accidents. I was so amazed by God and my life that He had me review and to just look back, reflect on what I missed when I was so focused on situations and problems I was facing. I lived in fear and would regret on things I should have done.

There needs to be more disconnection from the social media life in order to reconnect with God. It's necessary in order to demolish a mindset that I've put up for myself. I held on to my faith more tightly as I had to let go of how people saw me and comparing myself to others. God gave me assurance through His word that I am loved, I am valued and He has a home in my heart. His Spirit lives in me wherever I go.

He put it in my heart that I will be back in the Philippines one day and I'm not sure what for but I have to go back in faith. I didn't realize that there are many people back home that actually cared and see what I'm up to... God told me to "review your last 4 years and tell me that you won't be back." I made my own plans but His will shall prevail. I am no longer afraid because I stand in the conviction that is His word that is TRUE & ALIVE. This last week seemed like a dream to be real. But I thank the Lord for His faithfulness that was demonstrated through my families and through the people He put in my life. I'm thankful for His grace that soaks me and cleanses me each and every day leaving me refreshed and renewed. What a joy it is to be loved and to love others!

"All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:25-27 NIV)

More than a label.

Yes, I am a Born-Again Christian.
Yes, I go to church.

The list goes on.

The usual questions and the same answers, plain and simple. As if there isn't anything more behind our one sentence answers. On the contrary, there is so much more behind our "Yes, I'm a Christian." And from now on, every time a person will ask me about God, I will ask that person to lunch at a nice cafe and just talk about my relationship with Him. Because the "I go to church" isn't enough and our answers shouldn't end there. My heart wants to share more, I have this burning desire to reach out to those who have never encountered God. I want others to know that I am not just a church-goer. I want others to know that He is a jealous God. I want others to know that He is in a great pursuit for the lost. It hurts me sometimes to see where some of my friends have ended up in their walk with God and live their lives as if He isn't there at all. My heart aches for the souls who are lost, who are seeking the pleasures of this world, who hate God.

I honestly don't know how to tell some of my friends who are leading lives that are not honoring God. I've even tried to break it to them gently and maybe even sugar coating it or condensing the truth that is not His word. What's even worse is I compromise my own values telling them that it's okay when it's actually not. How do I tell the people who are closest to me and the ones I love the most that God disciplines those He loves? How do I speak the truth from His word that needs to be heard when some may choose to not listen at all? How can God even use me when I have problems with talking and staying relevant? It would be easier to just live my life in peace without having to worry about anyone else, but what kind of a life would that be if I didn't share this abounding love and eternal joy with all my friends? That's something too good to not share!

So instead of focusing on the sins of others, I want to share my life and the story He has written. I want to share my hopes and dreams. I want to spend as much time as I can with those who are willing to listen and to talk about the most important things in the world.

Being a Christian is more than a label to me.
A Christian is a Christ-follower.
Going to church and reading the bible is important too but not the basis of having a relationship with Christ. We need to go to church to be rooted with God as well as with other believers. We need to read His word to be in communication and most importantly to know God. However, those things does not mean I am a Christian.

Okay, enough sharing for me on the internet. Get to know me. Send me a text or a Facebook message. Let's talk!

Novelty

This morning was one of those rare moments I wake up at 5 AM and it has nothing to do with school. It was amazing to say the least. I am truly an early bird, morning person and that will never ever change. This will definitely be a reinforced habit especially for when I go back home.

Another rare moment is discovering a crowd at a nearby park having a free aerobics class. emphasis on free. Best believe I did some movin' and groovin' even though the moves were straight up basic. You only live once right?

I was reminded once again of God's faithfulness this morning. I was reminded of His extravagant beauty and His abounding love for me. I think this is why getting enough hours of sleep is vital so I can experience mornings such as this. I've discovered that I really like going outside when I exercise and one of these days, I want to hike before I leave. It is in these mornings that I wake up having no obligation to go anywhere at a certain time but to just experience the goodness of God. Never mind that I'm human, forget the fact that I'm inconsistent and most of the time if not sometimes, irresponsible with my free time. I hold on to the God who holds the universe who never changes, who always was, who is, and who will be; who has been here and no matter where I go because He is certainly everywhere. Isn't that reassuring? I can't imagine my life without any of these. No matter how many times I run away or fall to ground, I can always go running back to the Father and He is there to help me when I get right back up. I can fail a thousand times and that would not matter because no matter the circumstance that I may find myself in, HE IS GOOD.

If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

1 John 1:9

From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge. 

Psalm 61:2-3

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom... Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Psalm 90:12, 14