"...in the movies we have the leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."
To be completely honest, I have always perceived myself as a supporting role, never the leading lady (much less a "co-star"). My Father has removed the blindfold from my spiritual eyes in order to make me see my true self. In the past, I have been interested in how others, who more or less do not know the real me, see me. And I just based my identity off of that without even realizing it. I would adjust to their standards, or rather, try to please everyone as if I'm some sort of shape-shifter. I can be anything that you want me to.
And that was it.
I had a hard time just being myself!
Call it what you will, we can come up with the names and labels all day long because at the end of the day, it never really mattered in the first place. I have been redeemed, I am setting myself in the image that Christ sees me as. His daughter, His beloved, His bride. With every flaw and mistake I have made, I am considered beautiful. For every wrong turn I have made, He made me in right standing. I am perfectly imperfect. I trip and sometimes almost fall to the ground or stub my toe hoping no one saw that. I can be lady-like because that was how I was raised. I can also run wild & free and still make-believe, dream big and take risks. I mean, isn't that what FAITH is all about? I never want to lose my inner-child as an adult. That sense of wonder that just makes me in awe of my Creator who has blessed me to even see the richness and goodness that's still left in this world. I believe with all my heart, mind and soul, with everything that I am, even as I run out of words because I know that sometimes words fail... I still hold fast to what I have decided when I was in the 3rd grade, when I was in the 7th & 8th grade, when I graduated high school most especially when I graduated college.
Despite everything that is wrong in this world, I still BELIEVED. It's hard growing up in California or maybe any part of the world. But when I met with numerous, differently cultured people in the 24 years of my existence, there was so much individuality. There are people who chose to be different and liked being weird! I was never alone even when I felt like God was "far away". Isn't that amazing?? If you really think about it... even when you feel like God is absent, just look around or talk to someone! That person may be in the same boat as you! And that, my friend, is God reminding you that you are not on a no-man's land.
I admired uniqueness which brings me to my own name.
My name wasn't different because there were so many Rachels. I thought it was too plain and common or not pretty enough to be honest. I remember as a kid, I liked the name Isabelle or Isabella because it was pretty. However, God purposely gave me the name Rachel... it's funny because I would say, "I need to find my Jacob!" and I grew to love my name because of the magnificent story in the bible. (Genesis 29) I take pride in this story but at the same time, I am humbled. (side note: I have a really good friend named Lea so we would always laugh and call ourselves Jacob's wives) So you see names have an impact on me. I think it's important to really remember names because imagine having your name forgotten. Things get personal when you address a person BY NAME. Think about it.
GOD CALLS YOU BY NAME. He knows YOU.
I would get surprised when someone I may not know personally greets me with my name. I would think to myself, "Wow, this person knows my name!" I would be surprised that there are people who even consider me. Which would also reveal something else about me in connection to what I have said earlier: I felt more genuine, more ME when I felt like no one was watching or listening to me. Maybe it doesn't make sense but I like to think that no one could see me so I don't have to worry about how others perceive me.
I felt led to write here as God has been revealing to me so much... talking to God meant a lot of listening on my part. It also meant to keep silent when necessary. There is a time for everything, good and bad (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
This is me.
Rachel Jean
Well, in blog form anyway.
until next post!
until next post!
