In the Wee Small Hours

Today is Monday and for the first time in forever, I am up before the sun rises for no apparent reason. I have no lecture today. I have no duty this week. However, I should be working on my thesis like I told myself that I would. Oh, well. My heart is going through an outpouring, therefore here I am writing this post and I'll see where this goes because I have the biggest tendency to go on random tangents leading to incoherent babbling. So, bear with me if you have been following me on this blog and reading all my posts. I notice from looking at all my posts as a whole, it's indeed all over the place. That's because I am unsure what to make of this blogspot as of now and then there's also the factor of not knowing who reads this.

Anyways, the real reason I am writing this is to share with you about an amazing, awesome, wonderful God that I know and love. So, setting everything about school aside, I need to get this out for my own sake and possibly for those who need this or just want to catch up with what exactly is going on with my life on a spiritual level. I have so much notes typed on my phone, I was wondering when I will ever get around to talking about them individually here.

Grace. It is amazing and sweet sounding. This word has taken hold of my heart as I think about it again and again. It saves me while I am so undeserving. I cannot stress enough how refreshing grace is!

His Grace Changes Everything.

This song could not be any more true to my life at this moment in time because God did something to me last week that definitely changed everything. From miraculously postponing my thesis defense 1 week later to giving me time to focus on my thesis. I actually have no clue how why or when but changing the defense date pushed me to determination that I can finish this with excellence, all for the glory of my Father. I am boldly claiming it whether we reach our goal grade or not because I want to finish this knowing I did my utmost best with God as my source of strength. There is victory no matter what the outcome is. Just several days prior to that date change, I was running on low morale and my mind was not entirely focused on meeting the deadline because a little voice in my head kept saying, "too much to do, not enough time." And that was just one of many I thought to myself. All the worry did not do anything to make the productivity any faster. And then there was grace that came to save the day. I honestly was not expecting God to move on such perfect timing. That's when you know it's all God when events in your life is orchestrated in such a way that's too much for human comprehension. It is not coincidence!

So just imagine yourself dying then you're miraculously brought back to life with 10 more years to live as opposed to 1 month to live. When you have been saved by a life-threatening condition, doesn't that make you want to jump up and down? Doesn't that make you want to rejoice and shout praises to God? Knowing that the only reason you're alive today is all because of the One who saved you. God was abundantly gracious enough to have saved me and my group mates from the jaws of life. (Foreals, this thesis is do or die for my nursing student career) This great news motivated me to go the extra 10 miles giving everything I have for this thesis because my group and I have 1 extra week. So no time shall be wasted on anything else! I will have no excuse because God is a God of second chances. (and third, fourth and fifth chances!) This is all because of His overflowing grace that I do not deserve.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--

Ephesians 2:8

That is why I can lift my head towards heaven singing songs of praise with a smile on my face. It was such an amazing feeling to just worship Him on that beautiful Sunday morning after the storm. I was no longer dreading the coming week but rejoicing from what God did just days before Sunday.

Lord, can I please have more moments like this with You?

"So we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are passing away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are preparing for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4

"Message in a Bottle"

There you are standing before me as your gaze holds the truth that pierces through the windows to my soul. Not a word was uttered for it was made perfectly clear from the melodies of your heart that sang to mine. It was not too long ago when you tossed your message in a bottle out into the vast ocean in hopes of finding its way to me. Inside, it contained feelings of hope, love and uncertainty. And now that was what I presented in my hand. I kept the bottle as a secret from you until the moment came for me to reveal what I had which was yours. That moment is now as I am standing before you with my heart in my hand along with your message in a bottle telling you that those feelings of hope, love and uncertainty are also mine.

No words were spoken from that moment on.

For I woke up to find
That it was all just a dream.

second excerpt

As far as the eye can see, an although seemingly frightening journey is an action-packed adventure worth taking and waiting to happen. Because if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough, right? The longer they are deferred, the bigger, louder and scarier it becomes. With much excitement and anticipation, I tightly hold on to the grains of time in the hourglass that gradually sinks deeper. The tighter I grasp, the more easily time slips through my fingers. Allowing the minutes and hours to pass fleetingly, I take them for granted. Then at that moment, I look expectantly towards heaven and pray for direction that leads me to the heart of my dreams. For my soul longs for the day of fulfillment as well as joy in the Everlasting. I yearn for the love of a lifetime as I seek for the Love of eternity. As I wait, I stand patiently in silence and there I was with the answer. "Wait." These grains of sand is what I have as I am bounded by time. These lasting minutes and hours are not to be wasted but to make the most of them and live each day to the fullest. How precious and delicate each second, each grain that falls from the palms of your hands when kept open facing infinity. As the peace and assurance flow through me, I release my tight grasp and let it gradually fall deep below my feet. And in perfect time, I will no longer wait because my dreams will be reality.

I avert my eyes to a journey set before me going towards a destination. For I no longer wait to live out an adventure of a lifetime.

first excerpt

I look beyond what is within my reach to see a vision of a dream that awaits for me. It is a dream that is many moons away that I can barely make out what it is exactly. I just know that it is there and that I must go after it somehow. But in the meantime, I am here not knowing what each day will bring for I am on a ship that never runs a smooth course. Around me, I see figures and bodies go forth in this monotonous routine that seems to never end. I think to myself, "there has to be more to life than this." Everything surrounding me is plain, black and white with no color in sight as if there is no hope for changing course. The path laid out before me is the way to go, I am told. It's what I should do. It's the right thing to do. But setting aside the voices and whispers, what does my Father say? What does my heart say? At this moment in time, I know well enough that the answers will not appear out of thin air with a snap of my fingers. Life never really works that way. However, there is one thing I am certain of and it's this: there is so much more to this life and with each passing day my dreams are getting bigger for my heart to bear. They will soon come to life in its proper time. And the thing is I am not entirely sure what those dreams are. I will surely find out once I take that bold step out of my bubble in this ocean of life. I put my trust in a God who desires me and loves me as I am but loves me too much for me to stay the same. It's frightening but it's well worth the journey.

I look beyond what is within my reach to see a life that was meant for me.